Pre-Marital Counseling Questions

These questions are intended to assist in starting pre-marital counseling. By no means are they intended to be the only questions used in the pre-marital counseling. Answers will provide you with basic info in getting started. These are just a starting point and might be helpful in assisting the couple to talk to one another and to you. Also, the questions could be given to the couple ahead of time for them to write their answers and then bring to the counseling sessions.

1. Discuss your relationship with God.

· Describe your life before you were saved.
· Describe you salvation experience.
· Discuss the relationship with God that you have right now.
· Do you spend time alone with God every day? Why or why not?

2. Do you have family members that have been divorced, and if so, what effect, if any, has that had on your family.

3. Do you consider divorce an option in a marriage that has problems? Why or why not? Explain your answer.

4. Do you like to be around children? Why or why not? Explain your answer.

5. Do you look forward to having children after you are married? Why or why not? Explain your answer.

6. Discuss your philosophy of raising children. Do you want your children to go to public school, private school, or to be home schooled? Do you believe in disciplining a child by spanking the child? Do you believe a child ought to have rules and regulations that are established by the parents?

7. Do you believe that it is important for you and your future mate to attend church? Explain your answer.

8. If you currently go to different churches, have you discussed which church you are going to attend after you are married?

9. The dating relationship before marriage is an indication of what the relationship will be like after marriage. (And, by the way, marriage doesn’t solve dating relationship problems).

· Discuss the dating relationship both of you have now.
· What do you remember as some of the best times both of you have had while you have been dating each other?
· What are some serious conflicts the two of you have had while dating? How did you resolve these conflicts?

10. The toilet paper and paper towels are supposed to hang over the front of the roll and not the back of the roll. Do you agree or disagree? Why do you agree or disagree? Do you squeeze the tube of toothpaste from the end or the middle of the tube? (This is intended to be funny but the answers given, if there is disagreement, can be used to explain that there are always differences in a marriage but the important issue is working through these and developing a solution).

11. What are some characteristics you like about the person you are going to marry? (Explain your answer)

12. What kind of hobbies do you have? What do you do for recreation? Do you have a hobby that would require you to be away from your future spouse, for a period of time, after you are married (like golf, hunting, shopping, etc.)? Have you discussed this with each other?

13. Have the two of you discussed the area of finances (tithing, saving, spending, who will balance the checkbook, who will pay the bills, etc.)?

14. What kind of money manager are you? Do you like to spend, spend, spend? Or do you like to save, save, save?

15. Is it important to you that you have a new car? Is it important to you that you have a new house? Explain your answers.

16. Will both of you be working after you get married? If so, have the two of you discussed how you will take care of household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.)?

17. In any marriage, there are always differences that can be sources of conflict. To have a great marriage, every married couple needs to be able to work through, and resolve, conflicts. One area of difference, and a potential source of conflict, can be with future in-laws (the family of your soon-to-be spouse). Every family is different in how they “do family”. As a result, the person you are getting married to was raised somewhat differently than you were in your family. For example, the family you grew up in may be the kind that loves each other deeply, is very close, and calls each other every day. But, your future spouse may have grown up in a family that loves each other deeply but family members can go days or weeks without talking to each other).

· Discuss your own family as you were growing up. (Meals together, family devotions, picnics, family trips, etc?)
· What did you like about your family when you were growing up as a child?
· Do you see any potential area of conflict with your in-laws?
· Discuss the relationship that you have now with your future in-laws.
· Another difference between families, that can be a source of contention, is "visitation". Some families love to visit each other regularly, often traveling to other states to spend time with family members. Other families don't do this very often, or not at all. Both you and your fiancé need to discuss this area.

18. A major source of conflict in marriages, especially in the first few years, is where you will spend the holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Easter, etc.). For example, where will you go on Christmas Day? Or Christmas Eve?

· Does your spouse’s family have a tradition during Christmas that has existed since “the beginning of time” and, therefore, will not be changed?
· Have you discussed what you, as a couple, will do and where you will go, when holidays occur?

19. Discuss the moment when you first knew that you were in love with the person you are going to marry.

20. Describe the love that you have, right now, for your soon-to-be spouse.